User blog:Skull5657/Funny Satirical Essay on What Makes Us Fat

Well, since we all need to lose these 10 pounds we gained, I found something that might help! (JK )

Dave Barry: Consumed with the dangers of breadsticks and macaroni

Published 2:15 a.m. PST Sunday, March 28, 2004 I probably shouldn't admit this to you younger readers, but when my generation was your age, we did some pretty stupid things. I'm talking about taking crazy risks. We drank water right from the tap. We used aspirin bottles that you could actually open with your bare hands. We bought appliances that were not festooned with helpful safety warnings such as "Do not bathe with this toaster." But for sheer insanity, the wildest thing we did was - prepare to be shocked - we deliberately ingested carbohydrates.  I know, I know. It was wrong. But we were young and foolish, and there was a lot of peer pressure. You'd be at a party, and there would be a lava lamp blooping away, and a Jimi Hendrix record playing (a "record" was a primitive compact disc that operated by static electricity). And then, when the mood was right, somebody would say: "You wanna do some 'drates?" And the next thing you know, there'd be a bowl of pretzels <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">going around, or crackers, or even potato chips, and we'd put these <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">things into our mouths and just ... eat them. <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">I'm not proud of this. My only excuse was that we were ignorant. <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">It's not like now, when everybody knows how bad carbohydrates are, and <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">virtually every product is advertised as being "low-carb," including <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">beer, denture adhesives, floor wax, tires, life insurance and Viagra. <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">Back then, we had no idea. Nobody did! Our own mothers gave us bread! <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">Today, of course, nobody eats bread. People are terrified of all <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">carbohydrates, as evidenced by the recent mass robbery at a midtown <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">Manhattan restaurant, where 87 patrons turned their wallets over to a <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;  display: inline !important; float: none;">man armed only with a strand of No. 8 spaghetti. ("Do what he says! He <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">has pasta!") The city of Beverly Hills has been evacuated twice this <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">month because of reports - false, thank heavens - that terrorists had <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">put a bagel in the water supply. <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">But as I say, in the old days we didn't recognize the danger of <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;  display: inline !important; float: none;">carbohydrates. We believed that the reason you got fat was from eating <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">"calories," which are tiny units of measurement that cause food to taste <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">good. When we wanted to lose weight, we went on low-calorie diets in <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">which we ate only inedible foods such as celery, which is actually a <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;  display: inline !important; float: none;">building material, and grapefruit, which is nutritious but offers the <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">same level of culinary satisfaction as chewing on an Odor Eater. <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">The problem with the low-calorie diet was that a normal human could <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">stick to it for, at most, four hours, at which point he or she would <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">have no biological choice but to sneak out to the garage and snork down <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">an entire bag of Snickers, sometimes without removing the wrappers. <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">So nobody lost weight, and everybody felt guilty all the time. Many <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">people, in desperation, turned to disco. <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">But then along came the bold food pioneer who invented the Atkins Diet: <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">Dr. Something Atkins. After decades of research on nutrition and weight <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">gain - including the now-famous Hostess Ding Dong Diet Experiment, which <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">resulted in a laboratory rat the size of a Plymouth Voyager - Dr. Atkins <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">discovered an amazing thing: Calories don't matter! What matter are <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">carbohydrates, which result when a carbo molecule and a hydrate molecule <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">collide at high speeds and form tiny invisible doughnuts. <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">Dr. Atkins' discovery meant that - incredible though it seemed - as long <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">as you avoided carbohydrates, you could, without guilt, eat high-fat, <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">high-calorie foods such as cheese, bacon, lard, pork rinds and whale. <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">You could eat an entire pig, as long as the pig had not recently been <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">exposed to bread. <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">At first, like other groundbreaking pioneers such as Galileo and Eminem, <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">Dr. Atkins met with skepticism, even hostility. The low-calorie foods <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">industry went after him big time. The Celery Growers Association hired a <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">detective to - yes - stalk him. His car tires were repeatedly slashed <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">with what police determined to be shards of Melba toast. <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">But Dr. Atkins persisted, because he had a dream - a dream that, some <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">day, he would help the human race by selling it 427 million diet books. <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">And he did, achieving vindication for his diet before his tragic demise <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">in an incident that the autopsy report listed as "totally unrelated to <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;  display: inline !important; float: none;">the undigested 28-pound bacon cheeseburger found in his stomach." <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">But the Atkins Diet lives on, helping millions of Americans to lose <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">weight. The irony is, you can't tell this by looking at actual <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">Americans, who have, as a group, become so heavy that North America will <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">soon be underwater as far inland as Denver. <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">Which can only mean one thing: You people are still sneaking Snickers. <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">You should be ashamed of yourselves! <span style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none;">Got any more?