User blog:Brickmaster7946/In Other News...

WARNING: The following contains references to alcohol and huge amounts of spontaneous randomness. '''We are trained professionals, it's perfectly fine to try this at home. And at your local newspaper store. And anywhere.'''

Earlier today, my friends and I (real life believe or no) forumlated the real backstory to the Earth...

5 billion years ago - The Sun, along with the Earth, come into existence. The Earth is similar to its current appearance, but uninhabited and has no water, only beer in its place. There is also no Earth.

237 million years ago - Dinosaurs come into existence.

230 million years ago - The dinosaurs fall prey to the Star Wars Effect.*

220 million years ago - The advanced dinosaurs are equipped with all manner of laser weaponry, nuclear devices and advanced travel forms beyond simple human imagination.

210 million years ago - The Great Civil Dino War begins. Battles break out all over the Earth.

200 million years ago - The aquatic dinosaurs sign the Global Peace Treaty, ending their own warring.

65 million years ago - The Great Civil Dino War comes to a terrible end as the Earth is annihilated and shattered into pieces. The land dinosaurs are all killed off; however the aquatic dinosaurs survive the apocalypse.

??? million years ago - The aquatic dinosaurs use their advanced machinery to piece the Earth back together. They manage to retrieve all the beer and place it in its rightful position.

March 12, 1930 AD/CE - In a collaborative work between the greatest minds on the Earth, an interstellar vehicle is created which can travel at speeds of up to 10 lightyears per second**. Shortly afterwards it is sent out of our solar system in search for the missing "Planet X" somewhere in our galaxy.

March 13, 1930 AD/CE - Pluto is discovered.

1972 AD/CE - After a long trip, the interstellar ship returns with the Moon. It is placed into orbit and the newly-created Time Travelling devices transmit footage of the first landings back to 1969.

1972 AD/CE - Shortly after its placement into orbit, the Moon begins to create waves in the beer oceans of Earth, accurately called "beer waves". However, it turns out that such beers waves, after a few cycles, will end up transmuting into water instead of beer. Within days, the beer oceans are replaced with water.

1973 AD/CE - After a year-long struggle with their terrible allergy to water, the aquatic dinosaurs die out. Their bodies are piled in the Loch Ness and soon dark magics resurrect them. The creature they form today is known as the Loch Ness Monster.

Note: How none of this is recorded is because everyone before 1972 was too drunk the entire time to remember it. Problem of inconsistency solved.


 * - the simple principle that determines that the further back you go, the more advanced technology gets.


 * - yes, I know this make no bricking sense. Blame my friend.