Thread:GuacamoleCCXR/@comment-5780776-20150222184432/@comment-5780776-20150302054438

I've sat and stared at this for the last fifteen minutes because I don't know what to say and I wish I could but tell you whatever it is, and I feel like I should make this significant because it's the last one, but--I don't know what to say.

Just, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. But I shouldn't bother going on because you don't even know why, you wouldn't even agree, you'll keep saying it's okay and I'm okay and you don't mind and I shouldn't say that, but I'm just here being pathetic and not good enough for you or myself or anyone, and I'm sorry I can't just believe you and be happy. And I don't know why I'm like this now; it seems like I don't trust you to believe what you say and I feel so horribly guilty about that which is one more thing I'm doing wrong, one more way I keep messing up because I just don't know. And I wish I could do better and just accept things, but all I know how to do is keep smashing myself to pieces and making you deal with it. Like right now. But I do trust you, it's just... different. I'm sorry, I don't even know what I'm saying, but don't worry, I'll get over myself and grow up sometime.

You do have a point about the writing and such, and it sort of almost begins to be fair when you consider that I'm working on MLC, but still, that's simply uncreative adjustments, not anything as important as a total new main character. :P But I shall stop feeling bad about it. :P

And also, please don't edit out anything, because you know I can take it when you're melodramatic, and besides, it's only fair. :P Not that I should have a say in this because it /is/ your thing, but that's my un-asked-for input. :P

This has all been so awfully difficult to read, and I think all my writing is falling into that style, which I should try to stop. I'm sorry I have to dump all this here, but... I don't know. Things /have/ been unconventional. :P But in all seriousness, I'm going to be alright. I have to. I'll have no more time alone to fall apart next week, so I just /won't/. :P But one must let it out somewhere, and better here than an alternative. So yes, no permanent damage shall be borne and I'll do my best to stay stable, sir. :P As for taking unnecessary risks, of course; while we're at it, do you think you can finally delete all traces of me from your wall? It feels safe enough, but feeling safe while taking risks didn't work out all that well /last/ time. :P It's not like I'm breaking any rules, because this is LMBW and a totally public conversation, but still. :P And it's not as if we'll need to save this, is it? If you think so, though, there's always some way. Just... I'd feel better if it was gone. So you can delete this after you read this message. :P

Should probably get to bed, though. I'll need to get up earlier than 9 tomorrow, the horror of it. :P So... I'll see you next Monday, all as usual. c: I'll stay safe, as intentionally as I can, so don't worry about a thing. Take care of yourself, too, please, so we'll both be in good condition. :P We'll be alright. :3