User blog comment:Ihaveawiixboxds/четырнадцать/@comment-4845243-20141221073223/@comment-4845243-20141221075038

Okay, so you asked for some "criticism"...


 * Make the title English. The title makes it look like a spam blog.


 * (Question, not criticism) How is "Ihawxd" supposed to be pronounced? "Eye-hawks-ed"?


 * Be more brief in your descriptions. Focus on the important and idiosyncratic details, and let us fill in the rest.


 * "And I'm Stephen." the man on the left added. should be "And I'm Stephen," the man on the left added.


 * "Very funny." Stephen remarked sarcastically. should be "Very funny," Stephen remarked sarcastically.


 * "An awkward period of silence where the three men stood around exchanging slight glances at each other. Boyo broke it." <-- I think this would be better as a single complete sentence (e.g. An awkward silence followed, but was abruptly broken by Boyo). Or make it more dramatic, like "Awkward silence. Boyo broke it." The long, incomplete sentence doesn't work for me. :P


 * "Waiting for them outside was a large wooden cart, filled with hay and attached to three horses. " <-- I feel that this would sound better as "A large wooden cart, filled with hay and attached to three horses, waited for them outside." I guess that's just my preference, though.


 * "The two other horses and the two other humans both followed and consequently crossed the same bridge" <-- It's an easy inference for the reader to make, so you don't really need to say "consequently crossed the same bridge"

Okay, that's it for now. :P One basic suggestion I have is to read your story aloud to yourself. That helps with all writing.

I like this story though, you should keep writing. :)