Thread:Legofrodo12/@comment-4845243-20150619180722

I felt like you would appreciate this :P This is the true story of my life

Part 1: Obi versus Empire

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...a baby was born, and his name was Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Obi is trained by Qui-gon Jin

Obi trains Anakin

Obi becomes as wise as Master Yoda and as powerful as Master Windu

Count Dooku tries to convince Obi to join the dark side

Dooku fails

Darth Sideous tries to kill Obi with clone army

Sideous fails

Anakin tries to kill Obi

Anakin fails

Obi saves children and goes into hiding

much later...

Obi guides Luke to become a powerful jedi

Obi goes up against Darth Vader

This time Obi dies

but Obi continues to guide Luke, who is trained by Yoda

Luke defeats Darth Sideous

Empire is defeated

tl;dr version: Obi goes up against empire, Obi wins

Part 2: A Parting of Ways


 * Obi, Yoda, Qui-gon, and Anakin (all force ghosts) are gathered together after the fall of the empire*

Obi: So, what shall we do now?

Qui-gon: I have heard of this place called Asgard. There perhaps they have the craft to create a new body for me.

Anakin: I'm thinking I need a total change of scenery. I heard of this place called the Mushroom Kingdom...

Yoda: Far away, I will go. To a planet called Vulcan, I shall go.

Obi: Well, then it seems that we are parting ways. I heard this guy named Illuvatar is creating a new world. I was thinking I'd join him.

The four do a group hug and then part ways, hoping to see each other sometime in the far future...

Part 3: Obi-Wan - Olórin

Obi finds Illuvatar, who is doing a creation

Illuvatar: Who are you?

Obi: In life I was called Obi-Wan Kenobi. Now I am a wandering spirit.

Illuvatar: Ah, you were a jedi, were you not?

Obi: Yes.

Illuvatar: You can become a maia, and I shall give you the name Olórin.

Obi: Many thanks to you!

Part 4: The Istari

Obi is happily minding his own business in Valinor

But there is trouble in Middle-earth, so the Valar create a task force called the Istari, and Obi was on it

Obi meets Curunír, the leader of the Istari

Obi and Curunír laugh

Obi: I never thought I'd say this, Dooku, but it's good to see a familiar face!

Curunír/Dooku/Saruman: Yes, Obi-Wan old friend, it is good to see you.

Obi: Just this time, please don't become a servant of the evil mastermind and try to convince me to join your evil side.

Dooku: Pinkie promise.

And so Obi, Dooku, a Time Lord named Radagast, and two blue guys go to Middle-earth as the Istari.

Part 5: Obi versus Sauron

Now there is another evil mastermind, and his name is Sauron

Obi knows he must defeat Sauron

So he follows his old, trusty plan

He guides a protege, Frodo, to become the defeater of Sauron

Dooku becomes a servant of Sauron and tries to get Obi to join the dark side, just like last time

But Obi refuses again and is captured

But Obi escapes again

and Obi guides Frodo to defeat Sauron

and Obi dies, again

but Obi comes back, again

and Obi is more powerful

and Obi's protege Frodo defeats Sauron

and they live happily ever after

tl;dr version: Obi goes up against Sauron, Obi wins

Part 6: Obi versus Ignorance

Much time passes

Elves, dwarves, hobbits, giant eagles, dinosaurs, trolls, goblins, orcs, ents, and dragons become mostly extinct when an asteroid hits earth

Humans take over

Obi notices that the humans think they are wise, but they are not

So Obi trims his beard, puts on a toga, and goes to Greece

In Greece Obi is known as Socrates

Obi has a new enemy - ignorance

Obi plans to defeat this enemy just like the others

So he guides his protege, named Plato, to start an intellectual revolution

and Obi is sentenced to death because he proved that powerful people were dumb

Crito comes to Obi and tries to get him to give up on his crusade against ignorance

But Obi refuses, again

and Obi dies, again

But this time, he doesn't come back

But Plato writes down Obi's dialogues, and they create an intellectual revolution that forever damages ignorance's hold on humanity

tl;dr version: Obi goes up against ignorance, Obi wins

Part 7: Obi versus British Empire

Obi is reclining somewhere in the afterlife

Illuvatar comes to visit

Illuvatar: You sure die a lot, don't you?

Obi: Yes, but I tend to become more powerful every time!

Illuvatar: Well, there's another task for you. I need you to prevent England from conquering the world.

Obi: ...okay

Illuvatar: But this time, you're not going to be killed!

Obi: ...fine

So Obi is born in 1632 and is named John Locke

Obi begins his usual plan

But Obi's protege, Thomas Jefferson, isn't born yet

So Obi writes a book, The Two Treatises of Civil Government, to guide Thomas Jefferson

Obi lives a normal life, doing philosophy and such, and dies of natural causes in 1704

Later on, Thomas Jefferson reads Obi's book

Thomas Jefferson uses Obi's ideas to write the Declaration of Independence

The American Revolution forever destroys England's chance of conquering the world, and many colonies follow and break away from England

tl;dr version: Obi goes up against the British Empire, Obi wins

Part 8: Of Pirates and Bionicles

On February 22nd, 1752, Illuvatar comes to visit Obi again.

Obi: I've barely been dead 50 years this time!

Illuvatar: I know. But you're one of the few people I trust who understands how the world works.

Obi: What do you need?

Illuvatar: Let's just say I need some feet on the ground.

Obi: Alright.

And so Obi is born on February 22nd, 1752, and he is named Obadiah Langton.

But Obi has no plan now. He watches the American Revolution and many other historical events.

But he gets bored, and decides to infiltrate the world of pirates

Obi, now an undercover pirate, joins up with Captain Hook

Obi and Captain Hook begin a search for immortality

They part ways, Captain Hook going to Neverland in search of infinite youth, and Obi going to the Bionicle Universe in search of the Mask of Life

It happens that, at this time, Vezon is guarding the mask of life - in fact it is fused to his head

Vezon doesn't take kindly to Obi, and attacks him with the spear of fusion

Obi is split into two beings

One is a human, but the other is a dwarf (who happens to be a wizard too)

At this moment Illuvatar shows up, and is quite annoyed.

Illuvatar (to human Obi): I have an important task for you

Illuvatar sends human Obi away

Dwarf Obi: What about me?

Illuvatar: well...here *gives Obi a book called "The Bisexual Agenda"*

Dwarf Obi: ...

Illuvatar: Read it, and follow its guidance.

Illuvatar then sends dwarf Obi back to earth

Part 9: Obi versus Nazis

Human Obi is reborn as a man named Alan Turing

Alan Turing is a mathematical genius

One day, Obi is hired by the British government to crack Enigma

Enigma is Edward Nigma's code that the Nazis use to communicate during the war

Obi and his team crack this code, and the Allies win the war

but then Alan Turing Obi is arrested for being gay, and has to undergo "treatment"

Alan Turing then sadly dies, either by his own design or by accident, of poison

But the Nazi's are defeated

and later Turing's mathematical ideas are used to create the computer

tl;dr version: Obi goes up against the Nazis, Obi wins

Part 10: Obi the Pink

The dwarf-wizard Obi, now known as Obi the Pink, spends many decades reading the Bisexual Agenda and gaining mastery of pink magic powers

But his powers bring him to the attention of S.H.I.E.L.D

Agent Coulson is sent to put Obi the Pink on the index

Obi, not wanting to be violent, cooperates

But then he hears the name "Nick Furry" and feels that something is off — a familiar but long lost presence in the force is felt

Obi: I must speak to this Director Furry right away. It's urgent. Tell him my name is Obi-Wan.

Coulson: ...okay I'll call him on my encrypted line

Furry, as soon as he hears the name "Obi-Wan" arranges for a meeting with Obi in a top secret location

Obi: I knew you didn't die so easy!

Furry: Easy? I had my arm chopped off, was electrocuted, and fell ten thousand feet off of a skyscraper. You call that easy?

Obi: I've survived worse.

Furry: *chuckles* Well, I take it you defeated Sideous?

Obi: Oh yes.

Furry: Well, good. Now, reunions are good and nice, but I have bigger problems than Sideous.

Obi: Well, may the force be with you!

Furry: ;)

Obi and Mace part ways, Obi to further the Bisexual Agenda of pink magic, and Furry to create the Avengers and save the world

Part 11: Obi versus Moriarty

Illuvatar comes to visit human Obi

Obi: Do I ever get to die and stay dead?

Illuvatar: Yeah, once evil is permanently defeated.

Obi:

Illuvatar: Well, anyways, I have a job for you that you'll enjoy.

Obi: Okay.

And so human Obi is born again, and this time he is named Sherlock Holmes (who for some reason looks identical to Alan Turing)

Obi has fun defeating the criminal underworld

Then he has to die in order to defeat his worst enemy, Moriarty

Illuvatar comes to visit him again

Illuvatar: Darn it, you can't stay alive, can you?

Obi: *shrugs*

Illuvatar: Well, I'm sending Sherlock Holmes back. You are going to pretend to have faked your death.

Obi: So like...a fake fake death?

Illuvatar: Yes. But, since you can't seem to stay alive, I'm going to create another version of you, who will live a life that is less dangerous.

Obi: But...there's already two of me

Illuvatar: Well, now they'll be three. You know the "me, myself, and I" thing?

Obi: *facepalm*

So Sherlock Holmes fakes his fake death, and another Obi is born

tl;dr version: Obi goes up against Moriarty, Obi wins

Part 12: Obi versus LMBW

The newest Obi is living a regular life

but then he finds this strange place on the internet known as "LMBW"

and he joins it

and he sets up a plan to change the LMBW from an oligarchy to a quasi-democracy

it is said that everyone succumbs to LMBW

but LMBW succumbed to Obi

and Obi won, and this time he didn't die

and Illuvatar thought to himself, perhaps this is an Obi who can carry out plans without dying

and Obi continued to live his life, but deep down inside, he all ways knew that he was Obi-Wan, Gandalf, Socrates, John Locke, Obadiah Langton, Obi the Pink, Alan Turing, and Sherlock Holmes.

tl;dr version: Obi goes up against LMBW, Obi wins

THE END

Epilogue

In the future...Vulcan Yoda, Odin (Qui-gon), Bowswer (Anakin), Obi the Pink, Nick Furry (Mace Windu), and Illuvatar join up to save the universe 