User blog:Brick425/Brick's Kitchen

Notice from Food Network, Inc: ''Due to the receiving of Somme's Kitchen as racist, offensive, politically incorrect, and overall just plain autistic, it has been replaced by the lower rated but less offensive (But still equally autistic) Brick's Kitchen. Thank you.''


 * EPIC CHEESY 80s GUITAR SOLO FROM GARAGEBAND*

My name is Brick!


 * GUITAR SOLO INTENSIFIES*

And it's my mission to cook food, but most importantly, take you on a one way trip to...


 * DRUMMING INTENSIFIES*

FLAVOR TOWN. POPULATION? ME.

Before we start, I just want to say that whoever owns the gray VW Kubelwagen doesn't need to park so close. Seriously, I looked on the other side of the car, and there was about 2 feet of space between it and the line. Also, your license plate said "R31CH". Gee, how long did it take you to come up with that one? Crummy bastard.

Anyways, today we'll be making spaghetti. *Reading off card* Just like... Mom's? OK, who wrote this? I swear to God, these writers are terrible. Jesus. This is what I have to work with. See how easy that was? And to prove that it's easy and delicious, here's a stock image of a man eating some spaghetti. Look how happy he looks. He's clearly enjoying the spaghetti. Rock solid proof that my spaghetti is better than the rest-i!
 * 1) Get some noodles. Hell, any kind. Spaghetti, ramen, whatever. As long as they're noodles. Fun fact, did you know that noodles were invented by John Madden when he accidentally combined dough and stretching?
 * 2) Pour some water in a big pot. How much? No idea. Enough to drown a small baby in, I'd say. So just imagine Kep in the pot and measure up to his feet.
 * 3) Boil the water. This might take a while, so find something to do. Hell, maybe it didn't take a while. Bubbles screaming at me is so painful that I lose my sense of time.
 * 4) Put the noodles in the water. Cook them until you can shake them around. But remember, more than twice and it's playing with yourself, so be careful.
 * 5) Take the noodles out and pour them into a colander. If you don't have one, just get a big bowl and shoot some holes in it. Make sure it's with a .22 or 9mm, though. Anything bigger and you'll end up draining the pasta, you overcompensating moron.
 * 6) Did I mention to keep the colander over a sink? Great. Now you have a big mess all over your counter, you idiot. Good job.
 * 7) Pour the noodles into a bowl. If you mess this up, I will kill myself with this here wooden spoon.
 * 8) Mix in some tomato sauce and cheese. Not American cheese, though. Some Italian cheese. But not Swiss cheese. Too airy.