User blog:Aravis Tarkheena/LMBWFF Part 13, feat. Defooster

Another setting, as I promised. I had a bit of fun with this chapter, got a lot of help from my brother, and wrote this faster than I expected. Read, comment, and notify me of my typos. And comment. It's the only way I know you're reading.

PART 13

It was a dreary, normal day in Katuchim’s real family’s house. Due to the strange and inexplicable magic that cloaked everything to do with the LMBW, his/her family had, very conveniently, not noticed his/her absence at all.

Like on every dreary, normal day in the house (or like absolutely any and every day), Katuchim’s brother, hereon in referred to as Defooster, woke up, rolled out of bed, made himself breakfast, turned Wi-Fi on, and took the stack of 64 peanut-butter sandwiches back to his room, where he promptly booted up his ancient laptop. During the 7 minutes it took to turn on, he mused on what Agent Spy had told him about what could be done to make the computer faster. Of course, as soon as it started, he immediately forgot as he opened Minecraft.

The pulsing yellow splash read, “Marus is watching!” Defooster took a bite of his sixth peanut-butter sandwich and thought for a moment. He’d never seen that splash before. While he finished that sandwich and started on the seventh, the application crashed. Slightly annoyed, he re-opened it, only to see the same splash. He finished the sandwich and dismissed it as coincidence. Now, if he had remembered he once had a sister by the name of Katuchim, he might have remembered a favorite quote of hers, something about the dangers of coincidences. It was from the second Alex Rider book, but who cared? He pushed his plate away, wiped his mouth on his sleeve, donned his Sony headphones, and entered Boardscraft.

He was mildly surprised to see four people were already on. During closed beta, he’d often been the only one, but then, this was open now. Who knew what sort of fool it was that started playing Minecraft this early in the morning?

Defooster spawned back in his jungle tree house, and after checking the health of his favorite cats, Martin, Jerry, and Harry, he warped to his iron farm to pick up what had been produced. Nothing. Again. He made a mental note to tell Spy to stop stealing more than his fair share. “What a goobwaah*,” he muttered. With nothing else to do here, Defooster started his routine walk home, to check his crops, meat-o-matic, chicken and squid farms, and stable. The villager breeder and trading facility were behind the house; he’d check them later.

The crops were fine; Defooster harvested and re-sowed the carrots. All seemed calm and normal, as far as he could see within his render distance of four chunks. Stop snickering, it’s all his computer can handle. On the other hand, he could have heeded Spy’s advice.

The meat-o-matic was running swimmingly. Then Defooster turned to the chicken farm—only to see it was being rapidly disassembled by four people he’d never seen before. “wtb are you doing??” he typed into the chat, growing increasingly annoyed.

The four girls (or at least, that’s what their character skins looked like) seemed to ignore him. Defooster pulled out his Bow of Doge and shot one of them in the back. She jumped, and gave voice to a bloodcurdling scream. Now that was certainly nothing he’d ever heard in-game. Players, as a rule, didn’t express themselves with sounds; they used the chat. And no amount of spammed capitals would have the effect that the scream did. Defooster’s blood curdled accordingly, and he threw off his headphones and pushed himself back in his chair, paralysed. He glared at the laptop. Had he gone crazy, or had Minecraft completely messed up today? Whatever, he’d just blame Spy. He ate half a sandwich and returned to the game. With his best sword, Bobby, in hand, he advanced again.

The four girls spotted him, and broke their little huddle to face him. He noticed that only the one he had shot was holding a weapon.

“You fool!” one of them, wearing orange, shrieked. “You shot Spinia!”

Cringing as the girl’s impossibly high voice reached his ears, he shot back (in text, of course), “and you’re destroyign my chicken farm, noobz”

The girls took a second to read the text as it appeared above his head (another abnormality). They turned to each other again for a quickly whispered conference. Then the one who got shot, apparently called Spinia, turned to him. “Look,” she said. “Strange as it may seem, I'm actually Agent Spy, and these three are Harrietta, CloverTheGreat, and Kiffi. We were magically turned into girls by someone called Marus, and then we were sent into Minecraft and we can’t get out. Really.”

“Yeaaaaahh, and i got up at 5 am to play minecraft,” Defooster scoffed.

“If my calculations are correct, you indeed got up at 5 to play Minecraft,” insisted Spinia.

Defooster thought for a moment. “Yes, i did. You win. Sorry”

Spinia’s next words were cut delayed by a splash potion of healing. “Alright, thanks. So, we’ve figured out that we can’t use commands, and we can’t see you talking unless we look right at you.”

“And,” cut in another one, “when we spawned, we had nothing in our inventories.”

“So,” yet another added helpfully, “that’s why we were raiding your chicken factory.”

“why didnt you all just go rade Spy’s place?” asked Defooster. “sorry, *Spinia, *raid”

“It’s just not there,” the girl in orange, likely Harrietta, said plaintively. “Don’t ask me why, I hate this game, and I certainly don’t understand it and I want to go hooooooome.”

“Shut up, Harri,” snapped the girl in dark blue. She then turned to Defooster. “I used to be Kiff, as you might have been able to tell. I haven’t used this server much, but my guess is that this Marus character messed things up so that AgentWho, or Agent Spy, as you knew him, never existed. So everything he did is gone.”

“if that were true,” Defooster reasoned, “this whole server wouldn’t exist anymore.”

“Thus we can conclude that Marus is a worse noob at Minecraft than Harrietta,” Spinia sniped. “But seriously, everything I built is gone. Spawn, my shops, house, the village…”

“We spawned way out in the other direction, around Klint’s and Melt’s places,” one in light blue added helpfully. That must be Clover, Defooster guessed.

“What will you do?” he asked, slightly bewildered. He ate another sandwich half.

Spinia tried to shrug. “Don’t know yet. But I want to be really careful, because no one knows what will happen if we die.”

“We could die in real life, too,” added Harrietta, “like in Sword Art Online.”

Clover nodded slightly. “That’s our worst-case scenario.”

“It would also be catastrophic if someone in real life shut down the server. We’d all die,” Kiffi whispered balefully.

“So right now, as our only link to the real world, we need you to help us,” Spinia said. “We need you to get us out of here before we all die.”


 * goobwaah n. something so bleh that you don’t know what it is until you see it.

A/N: Thanks to Spy for letting me use Boardscraft as the setting. :3 The only falsities I deliberately included were: 1. From the iron farm, you can definitely see spawn. Defooster should have noticed if it was gone, but I took the liberty to pretend he didn't. 2. He doesn't really eat 64 sandwiches, but for the sake of humour, he does in this story. 3. His spelling is often worse than I wrote his lines as.

And because I am the writer, I am allowed to exaggerate and stuffz, so don't whinge about it. c: