User blog comment:ZXSpidermanXZ/I'm making a book. here is the beginning./@comment-5772846-20131109201611

Nice story idea and a nice first chapter.... bbbuuuuuttt, for the sake of being ciritical and constructive...

Spelling, puncuation, and general grammar are lacking in some parts. Makes it more easy to understand and a much more enjoyable read.

Also, having thoughts within apostrophes is not the best of ideas. Use italics, and make sure they include stuff like 'blablabla, I thought to myself.' Not just the thought. Also, don't overuse 'em... dialogue is more interesting.

Looking forward to seeing the rest. :P