User blog:Riolu777/Fox News Alert

(a ///satirical/// instance of me rambling on chat)

''Breaking: Hillary Clinton uses money to buy coffee at Starbucks! Is she funneling millions into their pockets for personal gain? Did she get extra vanilla? We'll be right back on Fox News. ''

"ARE YOU OR A LOVED ONE SUFFERING FROM MESOTHELIOMA"? IF YOU OR A LOVED ONE HAVE EXPERIENCED SHORTNESS OF BREATH, CANCER, OR DEATH, PLEASE CALL US SO WE CAN SUE SOME PEOPLE."

''Alright we're back to Fox News. And whoa here's a breaking news alert: Hillary Clinton drove by a homeless man and didn't give him money! Is she a sexist? We'll find out with our elite commenting crew: the WHOLE BUSH FAMILY!''

''Welcome Jeb, George, George, Laura. What do you think about this growing scandal involving our favorite liberal starlet?''

George H. W.: "Wellp, Sean Hannity, my favorite media mouthpiece, I like to think that she's a good woman. But, she's definitely a no good liberal who doesn't like women."

* A secretary comes by*

* Whispers in his ear*

"Pardon, men. She hates men. Yep."

''Thanks for that wonderful commentary, George. Wouldn't it be great if you got reelected?''

* Whole Bush clan laughs*

* Laughs*

We'll be right back to Fox News.

"She lost hundreds of pounds just by walking! That's right, the treadclimber really helps me. Now I can avoid my home duties while my husband fuels the patriarch-"

FOX NEWS DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T SUPPORT THIS COMMERCIAL AT ALL. IN FACT, HERE ARE SOME DRAMATIC SCREENCAPS OF TED CRUZ YELLING AT A CROWD:

* Slideshow*

And we're back to Hannity!

So, Jeb, I heard you want to run for El Prezidente amirite?

* They all laugh*

* Laugh*

"That's right, Sean. Even though you don't think I'm conservative enough for the position, I'll weed those Obamas out of office quicker than the alligators that infested my Florida residence."

Well you're a Bush so...

"Well, I don't think we need to focus on last names, Sean. Clinton, Bush, it's all rhetoric. What I really believe is, uh... Iraq. Maybe was bad, maybe not."

* Looks at George H.W. for approval*

* He shakes his head*

* Then nods*

"That's right, Sean."

'' Well that's great, Jeb. I'll vote for you, so you can weed out ISIS.''

Laura: "Just like how I weed out my garden!"

* Bush clan laughs*

* Hannity laughs*

"We'll be right back to Fox News."

"IT'S MY MONEY AND I NEED IT NOW."

"IT'S MY MONEY AND I NEED IT NOW."

"Ladies and gentlemen, a Fox News original advertisement."

* An Obama balloon descends from the sky, taking people's money from their balconies as they yell for their money*

"Are you tired of the liberals taking your money? Call J.G. O'Reilly! He'll lambaste them and then back up and say that he's /totally/ a moderate and proceed to self-advertise his twenty books! All the while never giving you your money back. But hey, at least you'll buy his products!"

* CLANGING GONG*

''This is a Fox News Alert: Bill Clinton has just been spotted taking Hillary to dinner. Are they using taxpayer dollars? Is he cheating on Hillary? What could this mean?''

''We're back with the Bush clan to investigate. So, George senior, I hear you attended a GAY WEDDING. EXPLAIN THAT, BUB.''

* As Sean pokes him in the chest and stands up from his chair*

"I thought this would be about Hillary and Richard!"

'' SHUT UP OLD MAN. GIVE ME BACK YOUR GOP MEMBERSHIP CARD.''

* George senior humbly complies*

''Now you'll lose all of your rights to rights to attend conferences and church services.''

Jeb: "That just isn't fair, Sean. What is fair is giving everyone their rights. Unless I disagree with those rights. Unless I don't not disagree."

* Looks at secretary anxiously*

* She's giggling into George junior's ear*

DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE YOUR CARD TOO.

"No sir."

Thank you to the Bush family for joining us.

* Shoots guns into ceiling*

This has been Hannity with Sean Hannity.